searching – Lauren Michele ❤️

**VandeNoord, Krissie. Be a Goldfish. 2020. https://northstudio.design/products/be-a-goldfish-print.**

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I said I would be back with news so here I am. I applied for another promising work-from-home job, only to find out the listing had been on the internet since mid-December; I saw a listing posted at the very end of December which is why I applied. There were 600+ applicants, & the company was already at the end of the interview process so there was a 0% chance my application would be looked at. MAJOR BUMMER! That was my second official rejection which doesn’t sound like much, but it is when you consider the time & energy required for the application alone. I also made two inquiries on social media which both ended with “No.” At the risk of sounding dramatic, my confidence is shaken, & I’m feeling defeated. I’ve cried myself to sleep more than once, & my stress levels are off the charts. The other day I tripped going up a flight of stairs, bruised my knee, & spilled coffee all over me & the carpet. I. BROKE. DOWN.

I know I’m coming off as a huge baby, but two months ago I left a retail job that was a constant source of toxicity in my life. I was mentally & physically ill day after day, week after week, month after month. I couldn’t take it anymore so I took a risk & left. I had enough savings to support me for a little bit so I switched on Vacation Mode for the last two months of 2021. Well, I was supposed to. Being the sick, twisted person that I am, I turned into my very best workaholic self & barely enjoyed the holidays, this being my first chance to do so since starting retail in 2015. I know, I have a problem. Boundaries between personal & professional life are not my strong suit. I would say I’m working on it, but lying is a sin.

Now that you know more about my situation, perhaps my reaction makes a little more sense. I’ve been very picky about where I apply because I REFUSE to get stuck at a job for five and a half years again. I’m two years away from turning thirty. I need a big girl job, a career that’s going to support me long-term. It doesn’t necessarily have to be a “dream job” because to me, that’s my blogs & YouTube videos. However, I want it to be something that fits me as a person, maybe even something that taps into one or more of my interests. I see girls my age with jobs they love. Artists starting successful small businesses. Disney fans working for Disney-centered companies. Readers working for bookish companies. In my head & heart, I know what I’m looking for is possible & not just a pipe dream.

Recently I had to set aside the job search because my part-time side job picked up. I have administrative & blogging tasks to catch up on; I’m also doing some social media work, which I’ve never done before. New experiences are always great for growth! That is consuming most of my time, & any spare minute is going into online content because I’m determined to make something out of my corner of the internet. That is where I currently stand. I don’t know what the next few weeks hold, but I’m doing my best to take it one step at a time with my head held high. After a disappointing finish at the Northern Trust Open last year, golfer Jon Rahm pressed on to his next tournament, the BMW Championship, & told reporters: “I must say, for all those Ted Lasso fans out there, be a goldfish. If you haven’t seen the show, you’ve just got to check it out. I feel like almost everybody knows. Have you seen the show? It’s basically [the] happiest animal in the world is a goldfish. You know why? He’s got a 10-second memory. I played great golf last week, just a couple bad swings down the stretch, and that’s the most important thing to remember.” That’s my motto for 2022. Be a goldfish! 🐠

Source: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_KXqWCLHgHg

“You know what the happiest animal in the world is? It’s a goldfish. You know why? Got a 10-second memory. Be a goldfish Sam!” – Ted Lasso

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– Lauren Michele ❤

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Source: http://godzilla.wikia.com/wiki/Mothra_(Millennium)

Be honest. You love my bug stories. Need I remind you of the june bug saga?! You can’t make this stuff up!!

• Big Bad June Bug Attack of 2015

• Those Summer Nights

This story begins at midnight on August 28th. I was the last person awake in my household and decided that reading a crime novel would be a great stimulant for sweet dreams. I happened to glance up and see something on the wall. I immediately knew it was a bug and what looked like a moth. Even though I know that they’re harmless, they still make me anxious. While deciding how the heck I was going to dispose of him without disturbing my sleeping family, I didn’t dare move or breathe. In a heart-stopping moment, the moth flew to a new spot on the same wall. Simultaneously I dove off the couch and ran down the stairs, making a beeline (get it?!) for the bug spray & fly swatter. Armed with weaponry, I slowly made my way upstairs. The moth had now moved even lower down the wall, low enough for me to see him up close. Even though I was scared out of my mind, I inched closer until I was halfway behind a wall but still about a foot away from my foe. I thought my fear couldn’t possibly get worse, but then I saw it. This was no ordinary moth. It was the Moth From Hell a.k.a. Mothra. I had never seen a moth with a head like this, if it was actually a moth. It had wings like a moth but a big head that appeared to be red, although I cannot defend the accuracy of what I saw since I had been reading a crime novel. The only thing I can compare it to is the round, red nose of a fighter plane; I’m not even joking. I couldn’t swat him because my brother was sleeping right behind the wall and had to be up early for work. I knew I had to risk it and use the spray even though Mothra could potentially fly into my face. I’m sure it’s not hard for you to believe that it took me several moments to summon up the courage. Thank God he didn’t move!! I finally pulled up my big girl pants and inwardly commanded myself to JUST DO IT. I assumed the proper stance for quick reaction, said a quick but heartfelt prayer, and sprayed Mothra with the vengeance of Godzilla. Of course he moved so I naturally ran and hid. Big mistake!! When I inched back around the wall, he was G-O-N-E. I thought his movement had been downward due to the lethal spray, but I wasn’t quite ready to search just in case he still had enough life left to fly at me. It was now 1am, and I was panicking. Unfortunately my mom saw the lamplight and decided to see who was still up. She was now part of my late night soap opera episode. We spent the next fifteen to twenty minutes searching the entire house for Mothra. We never found his body. Also, my fear became too much for me, and I cried. I don’t mean pitiful tears; I mean my body was shaking and water was leaking out of my eyes like the California drought was at stake. I calmed down a little bit, but nerves still ruined my night. I shut my bedroom door, which I never do, and after a few more hours of reading because I didn’t want to shut my eyes, I tentatively turned off my light. I had a difficult time falling asleep and woke up several times but did eventually get some rest. It still upsets me that Mothra disappeared. I know what I saw was real, but that’s hard to explain when you’re the only one awake and you’ve been reading a crime novel which amps up imagination. If Mothra reveals himself again, dead or alive, I will add an update. Hopefully tonight is uneventful because I am exhausted. 😭

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– Lauren Michele <3

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