Dear Younger Self

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Two nights ago, I had an eye-opening experience.  I couldn’t sleep so I decided to read through my old diary, and what I found shocked me.  I used vague language and failed to mention most of the significant events from my childhood.  There was no substance!  I am a writer; when the need arises, I express myself through words to vent and heal.  In my poetry journals, I was completely open about what was going on around me and how I was feeling.  However, those poems were written within the last five years.  My diary was started four years prior to my discovery of poetry.  Perhaps I’ve been watching too much “Criminal Minds” because I have an analysis.  I wont give explicit details, but I went through a lot mentally and emotionally.  My memories are crystal clear, but, based on my diary, I was not aware of how I was being affected.  I brushed aside contributing factors as minor annoyances.  I believe that repression is why, years later, I react so explosively; I am overcompensating for my silence in the past.  I don’t want to drag on so I will end with these words, a note to my younger self and girls who have gone through/are going through similar struggles:

“You feel ugly, fat, alone, and hopeless.  You have given up on yourself because no matter how desperate you are to speak up, you are afraid.  Let go of your emotions; allow yourself to scream and cry.  When you feel better, pick yourself up and start anew with your head held high.  It may feel impossible now, but you make it farther than your young mind can imagine.  Do not lose the fire inside of you.  Never stop fighting!”

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“And all those things I didn’t say, wrecking balls inside my brain.  I will scream them loud tonight.  Can you hear my voice this time?  This is my fight song, take back my life song, prove I’m alright song.  My power’s turned on.  Starting right now I’ll be strong.  I’ll play my fight song.  And I don’t really care if nobody else believes ’cause I’ve still got a lot of fight left in me.”

“Fight Song” by Rachel Platten: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xo1VInw-SKc

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“In the midst of deep sorrow, I see Your light is breaking through.  The dark of night will not overtake me.  I am pressing into You.  Lord, You fight my every battle.  And I will not fear.  I am not alone.  I am not alone.  You will go before me.  You will never leave me.”

“I Am Not Alone” by Kari Jobe: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bfveawSAHJA

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I hope you feel better!  Feel free to talk and/or vent in the comment section.  This is a safe environment.  “See” you soon readers.  :)

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– Lauren Michele <3

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National Nurses Week 2015

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Today, May 6th, marks the beginning of National Nurses Week. In honor of this special week, I interviewed my mom Lisa Stewart.

Q: How long were you a nurse?

A: 15 years.

Q: Were any of your relatives nurses?

A: Yes. My mother was a nurse practitioner. That’s all I know. Just my mother.

Q: Why did you become a nurse?

A: I love working with people. And I love helping people.

Q: What specialties do you have experience in?

A: I worked on the Oncology unit, which is cancer. I’ve worked in the cardiology unit, which is with the heart. I’ve worked in [a] rehab hospital. And I was in intensive care, and I also had private patients.

Q: What is your favorite specialty?

A: Intensive care or emergency.

Q: Why?

A: It was just exciting.

Q: After leaving the medical field, has your experience been useful?

A: In a lot of occasions yes.

Q: If you could go back, would you change your major?

A: No. I think… No I wouldn’t change my major in nursing at all. I loved what I did. I think nursing has changed, however, since I’ve stopped nursing.

I speak from personal experience when I say nurses make a difference in people’s lives. My mom’s knowledge and experience not only improved my health growing up but also educated and prepared me for adulthood. I have watched my mom go in and out of nurse mode without hesitation in order to help both people that she knows and strangers. I may be a bit bias, but I think she is pretty special. I love you mom! <3

One more thing. I’d like to take some time to promote a TV show that me and my mom have been LOVING: “Call the Midwife.” The series focuses on midwifery and nursing in a poor section of London during the 1950s. If nursing is of particular interest to you, you should watch this show. It is fascinating and entertaining. Here is a link with more information: http://www.pbs.org/call-the-midwife/about/

“To do what nobody else will do, a way that nobody else can do, in spite of all we go through; that is to be a nurse.” – Rawsi Williams

– Lauren Michele :)

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