This is a bit of a mouthful so please be patient with me. I’ve been inactive in all creative aspects of my life so don’t feel like I abandoned this blog for something else. I have been in not just a creative slump but also what I would call a life slump. We are nearing the end of a decade, & I feel like I’m going through a personal crisis, questioning my purpose in life & what I’m meant to be doing. At the end of the day, I am an artist at heart so none of this will be going away anytime soon. Writing keeps me sane, especially at times like this. That brings me to the next part of this saga.
A little less than two weeks ago, my dad drove himself to the emergency room. Three days later, he had open heart surgery. The next day he woke up with amnesia; it isn’t an extreme case but serious enough to require slow, detailed sentences & repetition. One week later he was able to come home, still showing signs of memory loss. To say my family is emotionally drained & physically exhausted is an understatement, but we are walking hand in hand through this journey & taking it one day at a time. Every day he shows signs of improvement, & I cling to those glimmers of hope because the lowest moments have brought me to my knees sobbing in prayer. Perhaps that’s where God wants me to be more often. I am so grateful for the overwhelming amount of prayers & outpouring of love. I know my dad is the best so I’m glad other people think so too. 😉 Onto the last part of this update!
I know this is a change of tone, but hear me out before you roll your eyes. Disney & reviews.orgare offering $1,000 in exchange for watching 30 Disney movies in 30 days on their new streaming service Disney+. First of all, this would be a bright spot in my life after a sad ending to the month of October. Second, I am a Disney fanatic & binge-watcher extraordinaire, the perfect candidate for this “dream job.” Third, that money would be an amazing gift to me & my family. This is where I need Y O U R help so pay close attention. The application process includes social media following & a video reviewing my favorite Disney movie. The video is not on Youtube yet, but you can start clicking on each of my links & following me. What are you waiting for?? GO GO GO!!
If you’ve made it this far, thank you for reading everything I had to say. I appreciate everyone who has supported this blog. It means the world to me. 🌍 I promise it won’t be long before I’m back with a new post. Keep an eye out! 👁
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Let’s ignore my slacking and move on to my Hanukkah tale:
For Vlogmas, I wanted to film a few Hanukkah-themed vlogs including a video on how to play dreidel. I dug through my memory chest to get my trusty old dreidel from a VBS years and years ago. I was surprised to find it missing but figured it must have been placed elsewhere in the chest. After a thorough inspection, I became slightly more frantic. Fast forward a few days later. I checked the chest one last time before trekking out to the garage; I was on the hunt for the backup dreidel stored with the Christmas decorations. I carefully went through each box which is no easy task when you’re paranoid about dying from black widow bites. I will now add some holiday humor to describe the fruit of my labor (or lack thereof): I rolled the dreidel, and it landed on nun. Two identical dreidels mysteriously missing when needed most. Target did come to my rescue, but I still can’t believe I had to buy TWELVE dreidels. Is it really that hard to sell one all by itself?? At least it was only $3. 😑
• I completed the Modern Mrs. Darcy 2016 Reading Challenge & fulfilled my Goodreads pledge to read 45 books. 📚
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Farewell to Alan Thicke (Growing Pains), Alan Rickman (Love Actually, Sense and Sensibility), Alan Young (Mister Ed, voice of Scrooge McDuck), Ann Guilbert (The Dick Van Dyke Show, The Nanny), Anton Yelchin (Star Trek), Carrie Fisher (Star Wars), Charmian Carr (The Sound of Music), Christina Grimmie (Youtuber), Craig Sager (Sports Reporter), Debbie Reynolds (Charlotte’s Web, Halloweentown, Singing in the Rain), Doris Roberts (Everybody Loves Raymond, Mrs. Miracle), Erik Bauersfeld (Star Wars), Florence Henderson (The Brady Bunch), Gene Wilder (Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory), Janet Waldo (voice of Judy Jetson), Joe Alaskey (Looney Tunes, Rugrats), Kenny Baker (Star Wars), Kimbo Slice (Boxer & MMA fighter, “Merry Christmas, Drake & Josh”), andPatty Duke (Love Finds a Home).
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Looking back on this past year, I accomplished a lot more than I thought I did. It sounds cheesy, but I’m ready to work even harder in 2017. Many people might roll their eyes or turn up their nose at my passion for blogging & Youtube, but that’s okay. I don’t need them to understand because it’s my passion, not theirs. I am so grateful for those of you who have chosen to support me and follow my life. I promise I’m not going anywhere! 💋
🎉 Happy New Year! 🎉
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I feel like a bear who hibernated through the spookiest month of the year and awakened just in time for the holiday season. I am currently watching Christmas movies on Hallmark whilst enjoying open windows & a cool Autumn breeze. Allow me to elaborate on where I’ve been. I had a cold for two weeks in September; when it went away, I thought my illness quota for the year was fulfilled. WRONG!! A little over one week later, the flu took me by the throat and refused to let go for a few weeks. A lingering cough wrecked my throat and made it really hard to talk. Of course that has no effect on a blogger, but it sure does put a damper on Youtube productivity. I still have a little bit of a cough, which is annoying beyond verbal description, but I am healthier and more energized than I was last month. I have a few more updates for you so keep on reading.
• I turned twenty-three on November 5th. Physically, I don’t look my age thanks to Baby Face Syndrome, but I am right on track mentally; I spend most of my time stressing about adult decisions and responsibilities. Growing up is awesome! 😭 In all seriousness, I had a fantastic birthday. I watched Christmas movies in the morning, ate Greek food with my family in the afternoon, visited Barnes & Noble in the evening (I may or may not have walked out with 2 books), & watched Impractical Jokers with my brother before bed. Not a bad day! 😊
• Allow me to introduce you to my new obsession: zoo live cams! For people who can’t afford frequent trips to the zoo, live videos of eight different animals are available on the San Diego Zoo website. Go ahead! Give in to your curiosity and take a peek! Hint: They are more active during the day, tigers excluded.
• I’m almost done with the 2016 Reading Challenge. I only have two more categories to complete. I will be posting a detailed update soon; in the meantime you can follow my Pinterest board and see all the books I’ve been reading.
I also joined the reading challenge on Goodreads by pledging to read at least 45 books before the end of the year. Find me using this link to see what books I have read:
• I reached 100 subscribers on Youtube!! From the bottom of my heart, thank you to everyone who has supported me thus far. I can’t wait to see what else the future holds. If you aren’t already subscribed, follow the link & hit the red button to become a member of my Youtube family and receive notifications every time I upload videos.
My channel is lifestyle just like this blog so I’m positive you will enjoy the content. Subscriptions are free and only require a Google account, Gmail included. I would really appreciate your support! Blogging brings me so much fulfillment as a writer, and Youtube is the whipped cream on top of a creativity sundae. 😄
• Fear not fellow Christmas enthusiasts! Artmas & Blogmas are already on my radar and officially in production. Due to my retail job, I might be a little more absent than usual this year, but I will be posting come hell or high water. Sit back, relax, & take a trip down memory lane to mentally prepare.
On April 15, 2015, tragedy struck the Anne of Green Gables family. Actor Jonathan Crombie, known for his role as the beloved Gilbert Blythe, passed away. If you are interested, here is the blog post I wrote following the news of his death: Don’t Forget Me
A member of the AOGG fandom, Sandra McKinney, has started a GoFundMe page to help cover the cost of putting some kind of memorial in David Crombie Park. The Toronto park is named after Jonathan’s father, and Sandra felt it was the perfect place for a memorial. She has talked to the proper authorities, and the idea has been accepted. If there is any money left over from the donations, it will be given to a charity of the Crombie family’s choosing. Donate if you are able to do so, but don’t feel like you have to. At the very least, share the page on social media and help spread the word. Sandra’s efforts speak volumes on behalf of the AOGG community, and I want to do my part to help.
• Facebook Group – https://www.facebook.com/groups/970383573006872/
In the words of Sandra, “If you like this idea and would be willing to help so that this can happen please donate whatever you can. Let’s make this fundraising campaign a success and let’s keep Jonathan’s memory alive for our generation and generations to come.”
I want to interrupt the Blogmas festivities for a short, serious note:
It is difficult to keep up the “Christmas Cheer” when so many people are mourning the loss of loved ones. My heart breaks every time tragedy strikes in other states and countries. I cannot even describe how it feels to find out about violence occurring not only in my state but in my county. One of the biggest struggles in my life is fear; if I didn’t pray and ask for help, fear would run my life. Non-believers may think prayer is a waste of time, but I beg to differ. I have cried and screamed at God, cursing Him because I felt abandoned. Time after time, He helped me overcome hardship and survive the deepest, darkest, lowest points of my life. I hated Him, and yet He was still there, giving me a reason to trust. Prayers don’t have to be poetic and full of adoration. Cry, scream, do what you need to do to release built-up emotions. God just wants you to talk to Him.
“Do not fear, for I am with you; Do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, Surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.” Isaiah 41:10
Tiffany, I grew up watching you on “Sonny With a Chance.” You have always been a sweet, genuine person. I am deeply sorry for your loss. You and your family are in my prayers. <3
On a day that is dedicated to giving thanks, I want to draw attention to a video I just watched. For those who don’t know, the band “Eagles of Death Metal” recently spoke about what happened at their concert in Paris.
* * * I don’t want to take away from the emotion of the interview, but if you are around small children, there is some language in the video.
My heart breaks for the band and crew members that survived because what they saw and who they lost will forever affect them. I want Dave, Eden, Jesse, Josh, Julian, Matt, and anyone else involved to know that they are in my prayers. I am only one person, but it is important to show that no matter what people around the world are going through, there are others who are aware of and care about what is taking place.
If you would like to send messages of encouragement to Eagles of Death Metal, here are their social media links:
I want to share an expression that is used by Jewish people when someone passes away. In honor of the lives that have been lost in 2015, may their memory be a blessing!
“Oh come, let us sing to the Lord! Let us shout joyfully to the Rock of our salvation. Let us come before His presence with thanksgiving; let us shout joyfully to Him with psalms. For the Lordis the great God, and the great King above all gods.” Psalm 95:1-3
Happy Thanksgiving readers! I hope you have a safe, blessed day.
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Two nights ago, I had an eye-opening experience. I couldn’t sleep so I decided to read through my old diary, and what I found shocked me. I used vague language and failed to mention most of the significant events from my childhood. There was no substance! I am a writer; when the need arises, I express myself through words to vent and heal. In my poetry journals, I was completely open about what was going on around me and how I was feeling. However, those poems were written within the last five years. My diary was started four years prior to my discovery of poetry. Perhaps I’ve been watching too much “Criminal Minds” because I have an analysis. I wont give explicit details, but I went through a lot mentally and emotionally. My memories are crystal clear, but, based on my diary, I was not aware of how I was being affected. I brushed aside contributing factors as minor annoyances. I believe that repression is why, years later, I react so explosively; I am overcompensating for my silence in the past. I don’t want to drag on so I will end with these words, a note to my younger self and girls who have gone through/are going through similar struggles:
“You feel ugly, fat, alone, and hopeless. You have given up on yourself because no matter how desperate you are to speak up, you are afraid. Let go of your emotions; allow yourself to scream and cry. When you feel better, pick yourself up and start anew with your head held high. It may feel impossible now, but you make it farther than your young mind can imagine. Do not lose the fire inside of you. Never stop fighting!”
“And all those things I didn’t say, wrecking balls inside my brain. I will scream them loud tonight. Can you hear my voice this time? This is my fight song, take back my life song, prove I’m alright song. My power’s turned on. Starting right now I’ll be strong. I’ll play my fight song. And I don’t really care if nobody else believes ’cause I’ve still got a lot of fight left in me.”
“In the midst of deep sorrow, I see Your light is breaking through. The dark of night will not overtake me. I am pressing into You. Lord, You fight my every battle. And I will not fear. I am not alone. I am not alone. You will go before me. You will never leave me.”
I should most definitely be in bed considering I have had intense headaches on and off for the past three days. However, here I am at 3am wide awake; my brain is working overtime. Many changes have taken place in my life over the past three years, and the process has been overwhelming. There have been moments when I chose to not think, ignore the problem, and pretend like everything is A-OK. The emotional pain has been easier to deal with in parts. I have a breakdown, struggle through the resulting depression, feel a little better, and wait for the next breakdown. It is incredibly hard to move away from a place you called home for thirteen years. No words can describe the pain of letting go of a life I thought I would have forever. I never once considered that God would uproot me and my family and take away the house, the people, and the atmosphere I was familiar with. Routines are my comfort zone. Anytime change comes along, I panic. Hence my earlier statement about shutting down and becoming a zombie. I have no regrets about the jobs I accepted, the events I volunteered for, and the people I associated myself with. I have vivid memories, both positive and negative; at least I have something to remember. During this time of transition, social media has been a great tool for staying in contact with friends. However, it has also been a window for watching life go on without me. As I said before, I never once thought my life would change so drastically. Now that my comfort zone is gone, I realize how much the small things meant to me. For those of you who are letting go of something or someone right now, I am right there with you. The process sucks, plain and simple. Cling to the happy memories and the hope that something even better is right around the corner. Oy vey! That was cheesy enough to stop my tears. But seriously, give yourself time to mourn and adjust. I stayed up late Monday night eating goldfish and watching episodes of “Make It or Break It.” I know, I know. I am practically the conductor of the crazy train. My point is that taking the time to do something you know will instantly make you happy works wonders for your mood. One step at a time. Breathe in, breathe out…
This quote scares me to death, but I suppose that is a good thing: “The only way to make sense out of change is to plunge into it, move with it, and join the dance.” – Alan Watts
Think happy thoughts readers!! :)
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Wow! I really need to do a better job of balancing my blogs. I set out to write an even amount of posts on each but always end up focusing on one or the other. Sorry about that! If you want to see what I have been up to, go check out my art blog: https://laurenmichelephotography.wordpress.com/
I am back and ready to do some reflecting. My family has been reunited for 3 months and finally, as of earlier this month, live in a house. We were previously living in a loft above someone else’s garage, a space meant for two people max (+ a small child). It feels amazing to spread out, have my own room, and not live out of boxes. There are many day-to-day things that I took for granted before. I don’t want to make this some cheesy promise that my outlook has changed, and I will never take the small things for granted again. I am human, and I will mistakes, However, the adventure I have been on these past few years has definitely taught me to be grateful for the mundane. I have an actual bed to sleep in, not an uncomfortable couch. I have a closet and a dresser, not boxes and suitcases. I have my own sink, and the shower has hot water. I have plenty of space to exercise without tripping over a box or having to let someone pass me. I have cable and Wi-Fi, not a DVD player and internet the speed of a snail. I have kitchen appliances, not just a microwave for ramen and a refrigerator for sandwich ingredients. I have the choice not to balance my plate on a pillow and eat on the couch because there is a table. The list goes on and on. Those struggles are nowhere near being the worst that could happen, but they were hard to go through just the same. The past three years were not easy, but I will cherish the memories for the rest of my life. Getting up at 4 am with my mom to hike and take landscape photographs for my portfolio so I could graduate college and reunite with my brother and dad. Eating ice cream and watching movies with my mom in the one and only furnished bedroom in our old house. Having Christmas dinner at a Mexican restaurant because the loft didn’t have a full kitchen. Squeezing four people onto a three person couch for family movie night.
I must ride on to my next adventure (guess the reference, and we are instant BFFs). Have a great week! I will be back very soon.
“Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass. It’s about learning to dance in the rain.” – Vivian Greene
“Things may never go back to normal. You may need to create a new normal. And that’s okay.” – Unknown
Lauren Michele ❤️ 
