Dear Younger Self

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Two nights ago, I had an eye-opening experience.  I couldn’t sleep so I decided to read through my old diary, and what I found shocked me.  I used vague language and failed to mention most of the significant events from my childhood.  There was no substance!  I am a writer; when the need arises, I express myself through words to vent and heal.  In my poetry journals, I was completely open about what was going on around me and how I was feeling.  However, those poems were written within the last five years.  My diary was started four years prior to my discovery of poetry.  Perhaps I’ve been watching too much “Criminal Minds” because I have an analysis.  I wont give explicit details, but I went through a lot mentally and emotionally.  My memories are crystal clear, but, based on my diary, I was not aware of how I was being affected.  I brushed aside contributing factors as minor annoyances.  I believe that repression is why, years later, I react so explosively; I am overcompensating for my silence in the past.  I don’t want to drag on so I will end with these words, a note to my younger self and girls who have gone through/are going through similar struggles:

“You feel ugly, fat, alone, and hopeless.  You have given up on yourself because no matter how desperate you are to speak up, you are afraid.  Let go of your emotions; allow yourself to scream and cry.  When you feel better, pick yourself up and start anew with your head held high.  It may feel impossible now, but you make it farther than your young mind can imagine.  Do not lose the fire inside of you.  Never stop fighting!”

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“And all those things I didn’t say, wrecking balls inside my brain.  I will scream them loud tonight.  Can you hear my voice this time?  This is my fight song, take back my life song, prove I’m alright song.  My power’s turned on.  Starting right now I’ll be strong.  I’ll play my fight song.  And I don’t really care if nobody else believes ’cause I’ve still got a lot of fight left in me.”

“Fight Song” by Rachel Platten: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xo1VInw-SKc

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“In the midst of deep sorrow, I see Your light is breaking through.  The dark of night will not overtake me.  I am pressing into You.  Lord, You fight my every battle.  And I will not fear.  I am not alone.  I am not alone.  You will go before me.  You will never leave me.”

“I Am Not Alone” by Kari Jobe: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bfveawSAHJA

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I hope you feel better!  Feel free to talk and/or vent in the comment section.  This is a safe environment.  “See” you soon readers.  :)

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– Lauren Michele <3

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Blogmas 2014 – Step Into the Wardrobe

Step Into the Wardrobe

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My uneventful day ended with a delicious dinner at Texas Roadhouse, a cup of eggnog, and “The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe.”  Today has been a very Narnia day!  I blogged about wintry landscapes on my art blog that are reminiscent of Narnia.  Check it out here: http://laurenmichelephotography.wordpress.com/2014/12/23/artmas-2014-walking-in-a-winter-wonderland/  I wish I could actually go there, but daydreaming about a Narnian escape will have to suffice.  Can you tell I’m a reader??  I am very serious about alternate universes.  They are nothing to joke about, and everything to dream about.  Speaking of magical places, my family is going to see the third installment of “The Hobbit” on Christmas day.  We have seen each installment on Christmas day for the past two years.  I am practically jumping out of my skin from excitement.  I have heard it is the perfect ending.  Endings are so sad, but technology has provided us with DVDs so the series will live on!  Something else is coming to an end.  Tonight was the 8th and final night of Hanukkah.  It is sad to say the prayers for the last time, but I know it will be back next year.  Chanukah Sameach!  Until next year…

Stay merry readers!  Only two days until Christmas…

– Lauren Michele :)

“If ever they remembered their life in this world it was as one remembers a dream.”  – C.S. Lewis, “The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe”