College Graduation – One Year Later

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One year ago today, I graduated with a Bachelor of Fine Arts degree. I have struggled with doubt post-graduation. My memories are vivid, but emotionally and physically I feel as though those three years never happened. Sometimes a moment will suddenly come to mind and shock me; my response is “Oh my gosh! That really happened!” Feeling like the early mornings and sleepless nights never happened makes me doubt how hard I worked and if my achievement is really an impressive accomplishment. I look at the people in my life continuing their education, and, in my brain, I look lazy in comparison. Of course that is ridiculous, but I still struggle nonetheless.

On my first day of college,I spent my one hour break crying in a bathroom stall and telling my parents over the phone that I couldn’t finish. They encouraged me to at least finish my first day and go from there. I was focused on holding back tears the entire time, but I did make it through my second class. The rest of the week was horrible, an experience I will never forget. I slept on the couch and barely ate anything. My fear was so intense, it made me physically ill. It was a “Slower Than Molasses” process, but, week by week, I felt better. I did not like my major. There were photographers more experienced than me. I had formal critiques every week. Every step of the way, I felt like I was fighting against a wall. I wanted to be anyplace but there, and yet I refused to let myself fail. I survived! I made it all the way through and walked a stage in front of a few hundred people to receive my degree. It all happened so fast, but it did happen; I have the piece of paper to prove that.

Enough of the self-doubt and self-pity!! I did not get myself through college. God and the unwavering support of my family pushed and pulled me all the way to the finish line.

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Words will never be enough to express my gratitude. <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

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*** To those of you currently attending college, you are doing great. Don’t give up! You can make it through! ***

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*** To those of you who have graduated college, congratulations! Please do not doubt yourself. What you have accomplished took a lot of sacrifice, hard work, and dedication. ***